He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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