One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
