Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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