I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize