At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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