That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
