Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dont even know how to be here
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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