she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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