Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
