Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my being single is dangerous.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
