i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
