u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
