Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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