I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dick very happy bro
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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