Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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