a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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