just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
