I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
