i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
