Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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