btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
