they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you never un-have a 4some
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
