shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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