Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
