I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
