Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
