I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize