You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
