This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
