Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
