Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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