It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
