dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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