I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
