Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
