Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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