When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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