Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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