Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
