you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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