Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
