gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
