why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
