My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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