Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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