When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
