If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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