so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
