like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
