fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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