nut hugger
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize