You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
