at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize