It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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