I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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