Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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