so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
