I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
