I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize