Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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