He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
