I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize