yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
