He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I intend to get homeless drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
