I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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