so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
