Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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