u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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